Friday, February 14, 2014

"Never Kill a Boy on the First Date" - The Great Buffy Rewatch of 2014

Welcome to another installment of my Buffy Rewatch. This is a place where I'll be long winded and you'll only want to read if you like Buffy (most likely). Seriously, this is a play by play for the episodes. And it is awesome!

Previously, on Buffy the Vampire slayer....

Okay, I've watched 3 episodes between the last one and today. So I wanted to make sure you're all caught up on what's happening. So, the master (fruit punch mouth) was trying to break free from his underground pergatory by sending a vampire troop to The Bronze (local hangout) to kill EVERYONE! But Buffy was there to kick some ass so that was unsuccessful. Woo! 

Then there was an episode where Buffy was trying out for cheerleading and there was a witch casting spells on everyone. Obvi - Buffy took care of it (noticing a trend?). But we were introduced to Amy - daughter of the witch and someone to pay attention to later.

The last episode I watched involved Xander falling for a substitute teacher who happened to be a giant praying mantis in a sexy lady body. She wanted him to fertalize her eggs. Oh, Xander.

But okay, now we're moving into today's episode (season 1, episode 5).

First scene involves Buffy killing a vampire in the cemetery while Giles critiques from afar (plunge! and move on. plunge! and move on.). They found a ring on this vamp and Giles is super worried. Because he must hate jewelry on men.

Okay, fruit punch mouth is back to talk about "The Anointed One".  Which is apparently going to be a great big weapon to bring the Slayer into hell. I think hell in this scenario is his weird little cave.

I am shocked that Buffy can wear some of these outfits at a public school.  We had to have like 2 inches past our fingertips. But she's in mini dresses galore!

Okay, there's this guy coming into the library now and Buffy clearly likes him. But I don't really know why. He's here to get a copy of Emily Dickinson because he lost his copy and he loves to keep it near by? I mean, I love books. But Buffy does not. Which is funny because she's clearly feigning interest because he's a cutie. (Has she just forgotten Angel already?)

Giles is so business all the time. And has a lot of layers on in a warm climate. British people, am I right? 

Okay, Willow is talking to Buffy about how sexy and broody Owen is. Just so you're aware - Buffy clearly has a type. Broody. She LOVES broody. You'll see that later. You'll also notice that Cordelia often has the same taste in guys as Buffy. They are just at odds all the time over dudes. 

We're also getting another dose of how Buffy can never have a normal life. She wants to go on a date but she can't! There's evil a-brewin'. Too bad she went to the Bronze before the evil actually brewed. Now a bus load of people are going to die and we're going to have to hear a crazy guy talk about judgement. Great. Thanks, Buffy.

The kids at this school go out to this club like every fucking night. And I think this Owen guy uses Sun-in. Remember Sun-in?

Xander just has the coolest collection of ridiculous shirts. And the saddest unrequited love for Buffy. He just has to sit by and watch her love all these broody dudeys and never him with the Tweety Bird watch. Womp womp.

btw the Master is stupid. Like, even if he gets free he's not just going to automatically be the ruler of the entire world. Which is absolutely what he thinks will happen.

OMG! Giles is here to ruin Buffy's date (again). People are dead! We should go to the funeral home! And now Owen showed up and is confused about the school librarian being at her house. As he should be!

"If the apocalypse comes, beep me!" So 90s!

Also, this small town in California has a new cool band at their under 18 club every night of the week. I don't get that. But I like it! And I like their dance moves. And now Cordelia is here with super crimped hair. She's just fashion forward.

Now Giles is going to the funeral home alone to look into this 5 dead people, who's the anointed thing. And of course the second he gets there he's attacked by vampires. For someone who trains the slayer, you'd think his fighting skills would be better. Or at least exist. I wouldn't picture him just shoving a cross in their faces and running away. But I guess it works for him (sort of - he is stuck in a room now).

Thank god Willow and Xander witnessed the whole incident and can now go tell Buffy he's in trouble. 

bahaha Angel just came in and Cordelia actually said "Hello, salty goodness". But of course he's here to warn Buffy about trouble. And get jealous of her date. He is SERIOUSLY adorable in season one. Broody and over protective. None of that soul stuff. Just being cute. oof.

quit being a creep, Angel!

Xander and Willow finally showed up and want to take Buffy to the cemetary. Date over. Let's go rescue Giles! Oh wait! Owen's here too because he likes danger and is curious about dead bodies. Because, of course he is. He won't find it weird that the librarian is here too. If I went to that school I'd think Buffy was boning Giles. 

These wacky kids have such zany adventures. Just barricading ourselves in a room in a funeral home! Whatever! This is totally normal, Owen! But again, he's excited about dead he probably wouldn't question the fact that a vampire is about to kill him. (A vampire who keeps saying "pork and beans").

Is he the anointed?

This vampire "killed" Owen now. And really pissed off Buffy in the process. And by "killed" I mean knocked him out for like 30 seconds. Just long enough to fuel her desire to dust that vamp. Get it, girl!

Of course, now Owen is stand offish and wants to just go home. Because heaven forbid a girl be powerful. He went home alone and concussion heavy. But he slept on it (which you shouldn't do with a concussion) and he loves her and the danger around her! Because he's death guy! A poet! An idiot! Thankfully Buffy sees past it and dumps him. She deserves someone who wants to be with her, not just danger.

And just when you think the episode is over, we flash to fruit punch mouth. Oh, you thought Buffy killed the anointed? NOPE! "The slayer shall not know him" remember? The anointed was the little boy on the bus! DUN DUN DUN 

I hope you're enjoying the Buffy rewatch. And maybe joining in? You probably should.

Tune in next time!


PS - Happy Valentine's Day!


  1. Replies
    1. I didn't even think about that but it's definitely more romantic than "The Pack" which is next.


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