Tuesday, April 24, 2012

5 Ways That Romantic Comedies Ruined My Life

I'm sure that I'm not alone in thinking that romantic comedies have negatively impacted my world view.  In fact, I'm sure that I've had this conversation with several friends at various times in my life.  And I'm definitely not the only one who views a "terrible" movie as a good time and associates myself with the title characters in each respective movie.

I've suffered on the Titanic with Rose, had my heart broken with Sally Field in Steel Magnolias, and longed for a love like Allie and Noah in the Notebook.  But come on!  Life isn't like that!  Love isn't like that.  If anything, my love life can be more closely measured to When Harry Met Sally.  And even that is unreasonable.  And here's why:

1.) I am not a leading lady.

Honestly? This is something I'm just recently starting to come to terms with.  I am not the main character in some epic story.  I am just a normal person, working in an office, living with her boyfriend, and watching too many movies.  Everyone else's lives do not revolve around my own.  They are not my supporting cast.  It's so messed up.  I don't think they got the memo.

2.) Life does not have a soundtrack.

As many times as I have thought, "Man, such and such song would perfectly fit here", it just never happens.  No one else can see that these moments would be better with some background filler because that's insane.  It would be so much easier to be able to read a situation and how I should react if there was a musical queue that signified the change in mood.  And how much easier would it be to see things coming if dramatic/sad music started filtering into the situation?

3.) There are no dramatic makeover scenes in real life.

No one has ever looked at me and said, you would be PERFECT for such and such situation.  But we need to give you a free super awesome makeover first.  And guess what! Afterwards, you'll totally know how to maintain your new look because everyone inherently knows how to dress and do makeup.  I mean really, Laney Boggs would not have been able to always look awesome just because someone gave her a makeover ONE TIME.  If that were the case, I'd demand a makeover today just so I'd always look awesome.  From here to eternity.

4.)  Montages.

If all of my life could be boiled down into montages I would be way more content with my everyday ho-hum life.  But as it turns out, montages take time.  They are not actual speed.  If I could play some cheesy inspirational song and be done losing weight in a matter of 5 minutes, my god.  Life would be amazing.  But that's not how it works.  Apparently, real life takes time and effort.  Bullshit.

5.) Life is not building up to one dramatic moment.

As much as I would love for life to have one end goal (marriage, declaration of secret love, graduation, a dance, etc.), it just doesn't.  It's filled with those moments.  And while they're special, the difference here is that after they happen, some new problem occurs.  Life is not resolved when the girl gets the guy.  It just keeps going.  And it's not always easy or fun.  As much as I hate sequels, at least they demonstrate that there is life after the end credits of the first movie.

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