I never really thought too much about the future beyond the basics: I would have a ton of money. Enough money to have a guest house that my mom would live in.
I had no plans on how I would get there or what I actually wanted to do with my life but I knew that's where I'd end up. Presumably because I never had to think much about how I got where I was going, I just got there. Always. Without fail.
And then there was college. I struggled with my studies because I had never had to study before in my life. But other than that I just sort of plugged along. I never thought about my major (psychology? really?) or what I wanted to do after school (clinical psychologist...duh). But really I never loved the subject or really tried to get farther into it. I simply had a good teacher in high school who inspired me to make this decision and stick with it.
Towards my senior year, I realized that I had very little interest in going into my chosen field but I also had even less interest in staying in college any longer than I needed to. So I graduated, content in the effort, or lack thereof, that I had put forward.
I found a job in customer service in Grand Rapids and stayed until they laid me off a year later. And then I started trying. In that I applied to at least 3 jobs a day until I finally got the call to Chicago to join the ranks of the customer service crew here. I love working at the company I'm with and I've since been promoted. Okay, cool.
But do I have any idea what I want from my future? In a vague sense, sure. I want a house. I want to live close(r) to my family. Uh. that's about it. Not much further than I was in High School, right? Except that there's a major difference in my awareness.
I'm aware that I have no self discipline. I don't stick to projects past a month or so (see also: blogging). I look at the ending more than the middle and I get upset when I don't immediately get the gratification that I was searching for. But I can't help it. I'm a product of my past. And I never had to try before and it's kicking my ass now. I would love for someone to guide me to what I should be doing. I wish there were life aptitude tests (that don't wind up with me working in chain saw operations).
I would love to be more creative and stick with it (but have no idea how). I would love to have a goal that I'm striving toward or a plan on how to get to that fictional place of achievement. Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy in my life. I love the lot I've been given. I just don't know what to do now.
I love baking. I researched a food truck. But no one really thinks it's a logical idea, and it probably isn't. I'm not the most amazing baker in the world. I'm okay with that. because it's not something I'm trying that hard to do.
I love parties. I love themes. I love crafts for them. I love making people happy. But I don't really have a background for it outside of my few and far between soirees. It's hard to practice parties when you have only a handful of friends (AMAZING WONDERFUL CARING INSPIRATIONAL FRIENDS) and they're scattered across multiple states. Plus, duh, I've never learned how to work towards things anyway.
I love figuring things out. I enjoy seeing a problem and having people tell me they won't help me solve it. All that means is that I need to figure it out on my own. Within a scope - technology. I like figuring out HTML. I actually loved doing XML coding for an internal program at work (to make pretty colors of course). But I really only care about fixing things that bother me personally. Or making things pretty I guess.
Okay, so this exercise in brainstorming has gotten me to a conclusion with what I enjoy.
I enjoy making people happy.
I love working extra hard on little things that no one ever notices and making them great. I go above and beyond on a lot of things that don't matter to most people. Like planning events at work for charity. And by events, I mean decorating plastic cups for NFL teams or creating massive scavenger hunts.
Now, quick, someone formulate a goal for me out of all of this. Lord knows I won't do it myself.