10 years

It's weird to think about the person that you wanted to be when you were a kid.

A few months ago, I found my old Livejournal and got to reminiscing.  I'm pretty sure that when I was 16, I imagined that in 10 years time I'd be living in California (see: Hibiscus tattoo), having graduated from USC with a major in Psychology and working as a clinical Psychologist. Duh.

But I'd be so cool. And so alternative.  I'd go to shows all the time and have so many people who finally "got me".  Not like high school where I was just the weirdo with 2 friends who came to her birthday parties.

If you know me at all, you know that's not what happened at all.  And thank jeebus that's not what happened to me!

I think that if I could go back 10 years and talk to 16 year old me (and btw 16 year old me totally got along with adults and would be fine with this conversation) I'd tell myself to stop worrying about doing things I think should make me happy and focus on doing things that do make me happy.

Don't worry about what people think of you or how many friends you have.  Who cares?  You're super weird.  And super hilarious, btw.  Eventually, you'll figure out what you love (nerdy stuff, movies, tv, baking, close friends, your dog) and the rest of the stuff melts away.

Do you still worry about how you look and what people think? Of course.  But it doesn't effect who you are at your core.  At your core you're the same 16 year old.  But now you can drink (because you're not in SADD) and you can spend money (because you have a job) and you get to live with a boy (because one finally asked you out).  It's so cool!

Oh! And you live in Chicago!  Fuck California!  You miss your family enough only being 5 hours away.
Imagine that.  You actually miss your brothers!  It's insane. But it turns out that at their cores they're total weirdos too.  You're gonna love it.

I guess I'm nothing like I expected I'd be when I was a kid.  But I'm also exactly who I always was.