Do you ever worry that you won't be able to fit into the conventional idea of what success is? When I was a kid I would talk about how important money was and that when I was older I would live in a mansion with a guest house for my mom to live in. I guess that I always assumed money was the most important thing that could lead to a happy life.
When I was in high school I got it set in my little head that I wanted to be a clinical psychologist and that I should definitely study that in college. So I did. And I never doubted it throughout my college career until I was a senior and realized that I just wasn't feeling it anymore. I still love the idea of having a career that revolves around helping people but I have no interest in a career that has me in a room with no coworkers and only crazy people (i.e. people like me).
Maybe that's why I didn't like my most recent job. I hated working alone everyday in a building filled with people who didn't work for the same company. I very much dislike being lonely. But who doesn't hate that? Exactly.
So, now I talk about going to school for baking and pastry arts. Because I truly love baking. And I love the way that a cupcake or a cookie can brighten someone's day. Because I'm good at it. Or so people say.
But how can I know that is something I really want to do? How do I know that it's not something that will be another waste of time and money? How do I know that in the end I can make a career out of something like that? I don't know. Maybe that's good though. Not knowing.
By definition blogs are selfish. They're about talking about your thoughts so that you can normalize the way you think. Feel. With a community of strangers who need the same recognition. Man. I love the community.
I would love to write old fashioned letters. And share my hopes and dreams with someone who you know will read it. Because there's no way to know if this internet letter is reaching anyone on a personal level. But that's what you're for friend. For sharing and divulging secrets.
Here's one: I'm terrified that I won't be able to maintain this life I love if I can't figure out what I'm doing in the next few weeks. How's that for a doozie?
I clearly have too much time on my hands with this whole unemployment thing. Look what I'm doing to this letter. Babbling on about myself. Ha. How are you old friend? Did everything work out for you in the end? I hope that life is treating you well. And I hope to hear from you soon.